Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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