I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
