I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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