I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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