He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
