her vagine was all disorganized.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
