they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
