it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
