You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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