hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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