I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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