I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
