I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
