it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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