Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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