Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
