She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
