I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
