dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
