i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
