you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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