Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
