okay pat passed out under dana's car
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
