There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i drank out of a bidet.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
