this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
All I want is dick and wine.
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