forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
