i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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