He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
