It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
