This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
