Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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