i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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