so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
