Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
