i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
