Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
