Its about making memories worth repressing
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize