To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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