Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
