it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
