Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
soo... how was my night?
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