do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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