Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
