if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize