i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
