I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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