how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I touched a dick in church today
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
