i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
