I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
