apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
