He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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