Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
