I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
