Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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