It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
