you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
