i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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