and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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