I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
