i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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