we're blogging at a bar
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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