you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
