I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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