My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
