Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
