Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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