so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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