totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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