i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
