i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
